Guest rooms
Up At The Old Hotel.
Each room offers the same opportunity, separate but equal. Discover which one of our speciality suites offers you the kind of liberty you have always been craving or have grown accustomed to from birth.
Room types
Sounds We Cannot Hear
A no-frills, single bed room. We understand, sometimes you are just looking to get away. This is as far away as you can legally get.
Converts
A room for contemplative souls. Whether in Southern Ohio or the Latrun salient, these mirror-covered walls offer the finest in self regard.
Exalted Eagles
From this aerie one can see the total of this great land. The vantage point of a god, this penthouse is thankfully far away from the sound of the moaning and chittering of the masses below.
The Knife Dream
Ever wanted to be a hunter or sportsman? This lodge room can fulfill your bone-deep masculine urge to be someone who anyone else actually cares about - with luxurious force.
Feed The Sewer
Foodie? Influencer? Tech-Savant? Appreciator of Consumption? This suite is where taste meets perfection. Come dine on what has been piled before you and then appreciate our sophisticated drainage system in the privacy you and only you deserve.
Lavender Gospel
Not just a room, but a human-targeting artificial intelligence system dyad. Free from morals and thought. At last.
Third Country
Less a suite, more of an experience. A bespoke holding area for those you might deem unworthy. Why be beholden to certain regulations of our blessed country when you can "stay-tricate" or "fun-port" somewhere else? This is that somewhere.
Important Information
Checking out
Check out is 11am. Check in is 3pm. Check out is 11am. Check in is 3pm.Check out is 11am. Check in is 3pm. Check out is 11am. Check in is 3pm. Four hours for your own discretion.
